You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
