Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
