Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
