its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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