I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
