she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Semen is not good for contacts.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
