Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
