Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
