It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
