Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
