I wannas sexs uuuuu
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
