you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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