What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
