I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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