I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
