Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
