So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
