mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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