6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
