eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
