how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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