i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
