Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
