he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
