Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
