if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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