sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
