I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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