I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
