i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
