when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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