When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
