I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
