Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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