Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
