Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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