He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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