I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
