there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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