She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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