I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i wish my penis had a tongue
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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