I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
