I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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