i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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