It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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