A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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