sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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