just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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