Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
