Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
