I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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