you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
