You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had to cum in my sink.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
