I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
