if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my sisters under your porch take her home
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
