I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
