Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
