During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
