i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
