So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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