oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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